Why Am I Here?

Yesterday in Church, I heard a statistic that 150,000 people are leaving the church every month (maybe it was every week). It was staggering to me. I confess that I get frustrated with the way things go at church sometimes, and I have heard a lot of reasons why people either don't go or stop going.

I thought this testimony, sent to me on a listserve of men I am on, was very helpful and explains why I worship in a a church setting. Something to think about...

"Why are you here?" She asked.

I was so surprised I am not sure what I replied now. My counselor and I had been talking for ¾ of an hour. It came out of the blue it seemed or maybe I just took it that way. Anyway I could not stop thinking about it. It can be taken literally and on an existential level too and anything in between. As I thought about it though over the next few days something came to me that I felt I needed to put down on paper.

I am actually amazed that I am here. I came close so many times to not being here either by my own hand or others. There is something that does keep me here though and I mean here in the literal sense of present in this life. > As a child my mother introduced me to God; Jesus to be quite specific. She saw him as a real person, live but invisible and introduced Him to me that way. I guess he was my first invisible friend.

The thing is though that he really was real to me. I would talk to him (I call it prayer now) and he would answer. Maybe not in an audible way but he would. I would ask for things and he would do them or get them for me. I know to some this could sound a little strange to those not familiar with the reality of God and his interaction with man. Still for me this was reality.

As I grew up and became more mature, (I use that word loosely), His interaction with me became more multifaceted and multidimensional. He became friend and confidant; father and mentor. There were times when I could actually feel his presence. I would love to describe it and I will try but honestly it is almost impossible.

There was a sense of such love and acceptance that I was at times brought to tears. As if a long lost friend had suddenly been found on my doorstep. There were many times in my life for one reason or another that I desperately needed that reassurance. Painful times of confusion and feeling lost. We do something called virtual hugs in cyberspace but this was almost tangible. It was like an internal hug to the heart of my being and indescribably precious.

Not all of the things he would share with me as I read my Bible and prayed were pleasant. There were reprimands, discipline, correction, and the like but all done with such a sense of love that I never felt rejected or abandoned. Instead of driving me away it drew me closer. I knew he cared for me enough to want to correct me and help me become a better person and I truly believe he has too. I am certainly not the person I was decades ago or even 5 years ago.

To me Christianity is not about commandments, rules, laws and punishment. It is about finding a way to contact the eternal. I feel I have been created for God. The Bible, the laws, the ordinances, rituals, all are a way of guiding me back to Him. His way of reminding me that He is here, he loves me and wants to take care of me and all of that stuff is to help me find my way back to him. He has gone to great lengths to provide a way for me to come home through the sacrifice of His son. I cannot turn down love that would reach out to me like that.

So why am I here? I am here because He is here. I can feel Him, I know His spirit and presence. Having experienced that reality throughout my life powerfully on many occasions I cannot deny the reality of it or of its positive impact on my life. To experience that presence in my heart and life again keeps me here growing and learning and loving and praying. He is the constant anchor of my life and lover of my soul. I am His; He is mine and that keeps me here and will keep me throughout eternity.